It was never my intention to neglect this place so badly, however when I look back at the date on the last post, it makes me realise two things: firstly, that I've not written anything for almost a year, and secondly, that time moves so very, very quickly. Which I guess is mostly the point.
I know exactly why things stopped when they did: I decided to start my own company. The two are inextricably linked, there's no getting away from it. I have attempted to sit down now and again and put my mind to adding words to paper, or type to a screen more like, but every time I've gone to write something, I've felt guilty that I'm not concentrating on the business, pushing any thoughts of writing firmly to one side.
It's a shame really. I mean, writing was the thing I thought I'd end up doing professionally. I remember a childhood of endless words, endless pages of words and sentences and paragraphs; mostly nonsense not worth the paper they were written on, but some genuine nuggets of inspiration here and there. So now, when I look back at those eager childhood eyes of mine, I do wonder what younger-me would have said to older-me if I'd somehow managed to head back in time and tell him it wasn't going to happen how he thought. To be honest, I was so certain of what I wanted to do and where I was going back then, I'd have laughed at older-me and told him where to stick it.
So here we are. Years and years have passed since those early forays into writing, and many careers and step-changes have occurred since. And no doubt, there'll be many more to come. I think one thing is for certain: 'transience' should have been my middle name.
I don't often talk about this particular trait of mine, especially now when I'm at the very beginning of something fresh and new and visceral, but I know myself too well, so it's impossible to hide: I will get bored and I will move on, I just know it. In fact, it's already started. Umlaut, my little graphic design studio, began with solely graphic design, then we expanded into web and app design, and now we're on to the very beginnings of fashion design. And when all the different types of design have run out, no doubt I'll find something else. Or at least work out ways to expand, contract, or morph Umlaut into something entirely different. It's just who I am.
Some say it's because I get bored easily, but I don't think that's it. I think it's more the thought of stagnating, of getting too comfortable with something and forgetting how to be really great at it. I once thought I wanted to run a huge company, be the big cheese at the top of some table somewhere, but those daydreams were apparently transient too, as they've long, long gone. Now, the thought of owning anything for too long, seeing it become misshapen and overgrown with bureaucratic claptrap, makes me feel nauseous just thinking about it.
I guess then a year since the last post really isn't as surprising as perhaps I may have deluded myself to believe. What's more surprising is that here I am, after all that time passing, writing something again. It mayn't have been particularly well written, it mayn't have been the next Odyssey, but it's felt good to give it another whirl, it really has.
Maybe transience is a two-way street, then? Does it work in reverse?